A very common topic brought up to non-believers and believers is what does the Bible teach about relationships? Statistics show that most young men and women spend much of their time thinking about relationships. As age increases, the more desperate one gets for going into a relationship. However, what does the bible teach about a biblical relationship? How do we resist our temptations? Are there any rules we should follow?

First thing is first, the bible consists of guidelines and teachings on how to have a biblical marriage. These are subject to different types of interpretations but as the verses are taken into context, the interpretation of Scripture can be very clear.

Let us take a look directly into Scripture:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ~ Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV)

Here, we witness that God has commanded that during a marital relationship for the wife to be submissive towards to the husband’s leadership towards Christ. This should not be interpreted as the wife having to do everything that the husband commands her to do like a slave, but rather, submit towards the spiritual direction of the family. The wife discusses important issues with the husband, they can come to a consensus and the ultimate decision lies on the husband as he is responsible for the family.

It can be seen that in the Old Testament, Eve was the one who fell for Satan’s temptation first to eat from the tree of knowledge but what do we know from this. Since Adam did not stop Eve from eating the fruit, we all declare the first man who sinned and that is Adam (Genesis 3). For directing the family towards sin, he is ultimately responsible for the sin.

The wife takes the role of the church, which is submissive to Jesus but the catch is that Jesus did not sin!

Now, many argue that God may be sexist. This is because again, they are cherry-picking, taking bible verses out of context and thus having bad theology (see my previous post for more details). Simply read the following verses to the above verses:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ~ Ephesians 5:25-30 (ESV)

What does this mean? Husbands, you are the man! You are commanded to love the wife with the sacrificial love Jesus had for the church. It is as simple as if there was one place on a lifeboat when a ship is sinking and it is either you or me situation, husbands should love their wives so much that they give their seat to their wife and die for her. If the genuine love is achieved, this would be a perfect relationship.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. ~ Ephesians 5:31-33

A marriage is a union between a man and a woman as they join as one flesh, a direct image of Jesus is marrying the prostitute, the church. The church is known as the prostitute as we have all sinned against God but Jesus has come to sanctify us of our sins.

Therefore, when I am approached about dating advice on a certain person, I ask the following questions.

To men:

1. Do you think this woman will be submissive to your leadership towards Christ?

2. Will you potentially love her sacrificially so much that you are willing to die for her if needed?

To women:

1. Do you see yourself potentially submitting to this man’s leadership as a family towards Christ?

2. Will this man potentially love you so much such that he will die for you if needed?

Now let’s answer some common questions that are asked about relationships:

Is premarital sex bad?

The bible commands from Ephesians 3:31 that the husband and wife join together as one flesh. Therefore, premarital sex is seen as adultery with more than two bodies involved, and can be seen as being unbiblical.

How about marrying a nonbeliever?

The bible commands us that we must not be unequally yoked.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? ~ 2 Corinthians 6:14

This is seen as a verse that tells us not to marry nonbelievers as we are spiritually different. Also, nonbelievers and believers hold a different vision of their life. This will lead to further problems of a relationship.

Francis Chan stated in his sermon that a relationship without Christ is like two goldfish in the same tank, fighting for each other, for more oxygen. As the male and female fight, they are never satisfied with each other and will eventually run out of oxygen, suffocate and die.  In a biblical relationship, each fish is in a different tank with ample oxygen from God and they are swimming in the same direction towards sanctification with Christ.

Also, a nonchristian marriage does not fulfill the questions that are based on Scripture I have posted above as either the wife cannot submit to her husband for leadership towards Christ or the husband cannot lead the wife towards sanctification.

Is it okay to date a nonbeliever?

We have to look at the definition of dating. Christians date for the purpose of marriage and we do everything for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Dating itself is not necessarily defined in Scripture but we know that it can lead to temptations.

Obviously dating in vain not for the purpose of marriage is not biblical and just subjecting yourself to more temptations. On top of that, one may argue that they would like to date because of missionary dating.

Unless you are 100% sure that you will not fall into temptations, missionary dating is dangerous. I personally have witnessed many people leave the church after they dated a nonbeliever. Also, there is no way you will be 100% sure about yourself falling into temptations, that is God’s call, not yours.

Therefore, keep the gospel as the backbone of your life and the backbone of your relationship.

God Bless!!!